2021: It’s finally over

I fear this might have become a tradition now, but here is my blog review of 2021, possibly one of the worst years in living memory for many, many people. If you’ve made it this far that you’re able to read this tedious tale of a very trying year, give yourself a pat on the back because it’s been one hell of a rollercoaster ride. I don’t know about you, but if you’ve managed to survive this awful ride without feeling sick at any point, you’re probably feeling a little worse for wear and looking a tad disheveled.

Lockdown vol. 3

A year like 2021 could only begin with one thing - lockdown vol. 3. Cases were skyrocketing and at this point, very few people in the population had been vaccinated. We were initially told that we would need to study remotely for the first three weeks of the term, so David and I made plans to create a new music college from home: The Trinity Laban Royal Northern College of Music, booking rooms for when we needed them, helping each other with our music and often accompanying each other. However, it wouldn’t be until Monday 8th March that we would be allowed to return to in-person teaching. I felt particularly sorry for David as he spent the first term of RNCM online as he was still recovering from his accident at home. He was so looking forward to moving into his flat and starting in person in January and the plans were scuppered yet again. There were some highlights in lockdown vol. 3 - it was during this time that we planned to start a business as an operatic duo (if you want to have a peek at our website it is: www.serenataopera.com), I really enjoyed partaking in CoLab online and we both sang in some online masterclasses. However, the mood was very different to lockdown vol. 1. The sunny weather was gone and was replaced by snowstorm after snowstorm and the sense of community had well and truly vanished. I was also informed of the unhappy news that a member of Hand Made Opera had passed away from Covid-19. As David was still on crutches, it was difficult to go out. As time passed, it felt more and more isolating - trapped inside, watching a remote funeral with 500 other people online, yet unable to console each other.

Returning to ‘normality’

I finally returned down south on Friday 5th March and was very happy to return to the building for in-person teaching. However, I was greeted with the unhappy news that my housemates were breaking up and that I needed to find somewhere else to live and pronto. I’m not ashamed to say that I had a minor meltdown at this point. Throughout the pandemic I have been living out of a suitcase, living as a lodger with a number of people, trying not to disrupt other people’s spaces and I found myself in the position where I would need to up and leave again. Luckily I resolved the situation very quickly, but couldn’t shake the feeling of how distressing this was, particularly at such an important time in my degree. Somehow, I managed to complete all of my work for my postgraduate and after postponing my recorded portfolio until September due to a bout of laryngitis in May, I passed my first year with a distinction.

The happy bit

After the past few months, David and I decided to book a mini-break with Secret Escapes. Whilst it would have been wonderful to go abroad, travel restrictions and money was not in our favour, so Berkshire it was! In a strange turn of events we had booked to go away on the day the Covid-19 restrictions were lifted and the country was in the middle of a mini-heatwave. Prior to going away, David was informed that he needed to have a second operation as the bone in his leg was not healing and that we wouldn’t be able to bear weight on that leg until he had another surgery. He decided to take the plunge in May, but struggled as he was largely immobile again. Luckily he recovered physically very quickly, but the second operation had taken a massive mental toll on him and we agreed that we should try and get away if possible. Sure it wasn’t Malta, but it was during this very sunny and happy holiday that David asked me to close my eyes, so he could get down on one knee and ask me to marry him! I can’t remember if I said yes, as I just blubbed and helped him get back to his feet.

Returning to ‘normal, normal’

After our engagement, there were a few highlights over the summer. David performed in The Pirates of Penzance with Opera Holland Park, we went to see Tristan and Isolde at Glyndebourne and my parents were able to come back to the UK and spend sometime with us at the beginning of September. I was happy to return to a more normal year at music college, but truthfully I’ve found this term to be extremely overwhelming. This probably has something to do with working seven days a week during term time in order to support myself through the course, waking up at 6:30am to commute into Greenwich, often returning home around 9pm, but I guess we’ll never know. I know this schedule will eventually burn me out, but what I didn’t anticipate was how quickly I would be burnt out as I hadn’t had to teach in person, commute everyday or work such long days since pre-pandemic. The benefit of working from home was that I didn’t have to commute all the time or travel to work and so when I was faced with this reality again, it hit hard after 18 months of a very different lifestyle.

After being pushed to such extremes and being faced with the beginning of some rather foul wedding drama, I realised I couldn’t continue like this and made the decision to sign up to some counselling sessions. During the past three years that I have been blogging, there hasn't just been a global pandemic at the centre of my woes, but there have also been two massive family bereavements, two other bereavements that have been massively impactful and the trauma of my partner nearly dying.

Trauma. I’m going to use that word because that is what it is.

I have tried to continue as normal for as long as I possibly could, but as more unexpected and extraordinary events took place, the harder it was to keep up the facade. Why am I so upset about this constructive piece of feedback? Why am I having a meltdown because my fully-vaccinated partner is in hospital with Covid-19, even though it’s just a chest infection? I think the point I want to make about this year is you should try and speak to somebody if you are really struggling. It is true that we have all faced disappointment over the past year and a half, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be entitled to help if you really need it. Don’t bottle it up, speak up. Together let’s walk cautiously into 2022…

B x